I was crying and freaking when I wrote that. I forgot a few things. I was never allergic that I knew of before I had my bouvier des flandres. (big dog on the left of the post)

I'd been having a lot of what I thought were food allergies during the later years of TinyMonsters' life, really bad ones, things that I'd never been allergic to before. I did a lot of eliminating to figure out what foods they were.

After Tiny died, I tried to get a puppy about 5 or 6 days after he died. A yorkie terrier. Brought him home. It took about 6 more hours to react to that puppy than it did for me to react to this poodle today.

At the time when tried to adopt that yorkie, we were thinking I'd just tried to get another dog too soon, and that maybe the shampoo his breeder had washed him in might have been the allergy, or the cats the breeder had, had left cat dander on that dog. But, we took that puppy back because I was having such a bad reaction then. But, we just didnt think it was an actual allergic reaction, that it was stress.

Today with this dog, I was wheezing and feeling like I couldnt breathe. I was getting anxiety from not being able to breathe. My dad gave me the epi-pen shot (that hurts almost as bad as an injection of C!) and I felt a little better, but not all that great. (and now I know that Epi makes me get dry heaves. (oh, that was unpleasant)

We decided that maybe this dog was around a lot of cats, and that maybe the clothes that I'd been wearing the day before (cable guy came early, had to get dressed in a hurry) had cat dander or whatever all over it and that's what caused me the breathing problem.

I changed clothes, went and got my hair cut, came back and took another shower to get all the bits of loose hair off myself, and then went walking around, carrying the puppy for awhile.

We went to dinner, and I started feeling like I couldnt breathe again. Took some benadryl, got home, my dad gave me an asthma inhaler (parents both have asthma) and I took some of that, felt a little better, but it hasnt totally improved.

I'm to the point now that I just want to take the little guy back so that he can find a new human to latch onto. Before he gets anymore attached to us. The store where we got him doesnt have a return policy. But, they'll sell the dog for us on a comission. He's so cute, I think he'll get bought quickly. All the other poodles they had the other day got bought. So they werent even in the store for 24hrs before they went home.

I just feel so bad for my mom. She was so happy with a dog, and now she's going to lose him. At least he's not dead, but he wont be ours anymore. dangit.

I'm just never getting another pet. This is too painful. I thought Tiny dying was bad, but getting attached to a dog, only to have to take him back because I cant tolerate not being able to breathe. This sucks. Sucks more than having MS.

I'm going to bed, I havent slept much for the last several days. (had insomnia really bad!) I think I'll be able to sleep now. Hopefully. Might cry myself to sleep.