Hi Pete,
You asked 'Isn't it my choice to take my life?' No, taking your life is NOT an option.
Your life doesn't belong to you to take. Our lives belong to our Creator. You quoted from the Book of Job. Yes, he wanted to die and then be remembered by God in the resurrection. But, he didn't take his life. By his faithfulness thru all his trials, he was granted another 120 years to his life, 10 more children, he got his health back, he acquired twice the cattle, so he got his wealth back. But most importantly, he proved Satan a Liar thru his endurance and faithfulness.
When someone commits suicide, there is so much pain left for their family and friends to deal with. I haven't written about it, but two weeks ago a very good friend of mine took her life. No, she didn't have RSD, but did have a lifetime of issues she was dealing with. Don't we all have 'heavy' problems that come into our life. I also think to myself,
this particular thing that has slammed into my life, will have an end. Isn't it true that each 'heavy' that comes our way, does end someday.!!!!!
I hope you are making progress on that 'judge' regarding your home. I remember over 25 years ago when my father died, we found the will, but not the codicil. He told me he had one made, naming me as executer of his estate instead of my sister. (who didn't have a business sense) I think it took us a couple of weeks to locate one of the two
notaries. The judge accepted finding just one notary to allow the codicil admitted as a legal part of his will. That particular trial of handling his estate lasted 15 years in probate
with the federal and 10 years with the state. That did eventually end. At the time of a trial, it doesn't seem like it's ever going to end, but it always does. To help get thru a trial, just remember it WLL END, don't let it take over your life, put it in it's place, and go on living your life as best you can. You have lot's of friends to lean on here. It's really nice isn't it. Take care of yourself as you tackle this new episode in your life. loretta