Hi Pam,

I'm sorry this is all so uncomfortable.

i do understand the weirdness of having someone in the house who is not eating with you, to watch you eat. on the other hand, these are exceptional circumstances where Jackie needs help. so i was wondering how to make the two worlds meet...

would it be more comfortable for you if the aide actually dined with you guys? Then it would not be more like having a guest at dinner.

I am concerned that there may be subtle differences in stimuli for Jackie at dinnertime versus when he eats after school. These may not be at all "significant" things in others' perception so there may not appear to be much difference between the two situations.

As far Jackie as not acting up in front of them, i'm even wondering if having the aide participate in dinner rather than just "observe" might make jackie gradually perceive her less as a sentinel and more a part of the process, and then, start to act up so she can see it.

anyway, i figure that would be plan A, and if you are willing to try that, you could set up a plan B in advance with behavior people, where if jackie does not act up at/after dinner in presence of the aide, within say 2 or 3 weeks (or some pre-established period), then the aide's presence at your dinner hours is to be discontinued.

what do you think? would you be open to try something like that? i realize it still means dinner is not as intimate a few nights a week. but maybe a trial is worth it in case there are results?

It is just an idea. No need to offer justifications if you don't like it. YOU ARE the BOSS, and that is that.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better today.

~ waves ~