Welcome to our community
Please feel comfortable to let it out. You can preview and read it and polish it a little if you want.
You're probably over my head with what's gone on and the whys of it all, so I'll not ask for more than you want to share. the name of the med would be interesting to know, though.
It is what it is, you know. Not everyone CAN be a rocket scientist. Acceptance is healing. Don't be so hard on yourself right now. Sounds like you've been through a lot... We all struggle to some degree. I realize some more than others.
I'm sure there's much more to read. You're very deep.
No human is perfect. We're a work in progress.
You surely are troubled and tournmented.
I pray you find peace. I need peace too... we all need peace