I just posted in the new members area...and wow I can't believe when someone gives me a new place to go to like a forum how off the edge I get. I feel like most of my time here has been spent belittling myself for things I have done but today I realized some really cool things because of all the stress I think it makes you stronger even though you feel like you are giving in. I eventually just let go. But I don't want to because everything is so important all the time and I don't want to loose it. I know that.

There's a part of me that wants to shut down.

There's a part of me that wants to blame other things.

There's a part of me that wants to not blame myself.

Its like there's two parts of me, one part says that I should be at fault and the other part is freeing.

Have you tried going back to the event or the moment...just while you are relaxing and letting it come to your mind without effort and just noticing it and then seeing what your thought is about it. Maybe you will sometime want to stop it and you will.

Thats the best way I can explain how I found relief from my terror and fear...I couldn't even sleep at night. I wouldn't talk. I stayed motionlesss in my room and even wouldn't move when standing. I had to be hauled around.

Now my life...there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its like my wishes and what I hope for today are coming true. Thank you