Gosh Manda, I can soooooo relate to what you are saying. What is even worse is to be married to someone, and feel that way. You should have a shoulder there, but, you don't. To be so alone, even when there is someone with you. It is a terrible place to be in. It can get so dark, and lonely. I, personally, spend, and still spend, a LOT of time on my knees, in tears, and in prayer. I do have some good moments because I seek them out. I have to or I wouldn't survive. After 10 years of depression, and struggle, and one serious suicide attempt, and many fights with those thoughts, my life is finally changing. But, not without some great effort on my part. I am still struggling, but, it is worth it. I have finally decided that I AM WORTH IT! MY LIFE IS WORTH IT. I understand the need for the human touch. It is a natural, and normal one. Have you ever thought about volunteer work? Remember about spending time with someone younger than six, and older than 80? It really does work. And, there are many other lonely people out there, who have the same needs. Take care my friend.....and, as David said, Hold on!