i must admit that i'm struggling with it all. i've neglected the board and didn't update my religion thread.
i had what i can only call a miraculous recovery which coincided with almost three months of beta along with a prayer and a blessing from a minister. which one did the deed? who knows. all i know is the day of my prayer, as i drove home, my leg pain went away and i no longer limp. i still have mind and sensory issues but at least i can get around.

but i'm left with an emptiness. a deep gloom.

i can't see a future.

i can't work more than 2-3 shifts a week (in a good week).
i can't find another suitable job.
i can't pay more off the home loan.
i can't pay into my super.
how am i going to survive?
and when i do survive, how do i fund my life?
i can't get disability or any grants to start a business.

my life is full of can't 's and how's.

i just want something nice to happen for once.

any ideas?