Pud...
You need to get some help...I know it works for me.
It's difficult, when this disease is so daunting, to see anything positive in life. But trust me, even with all the challenges, every morning, no matter how crummy I feel, I thank God, the universe, or whatever, for the new day. Nothing matters but this very moment. This is all you have. Take a breath. That in itself is a miracle.
Every night, try to think of one thing from the day that you're grateful for.

I know you have a lot of challenges. Ask for help. You have so many issues that should be addressed with some sort of support by your side. Whether it be a therapist, or the local social services network, or some MS society office, please look for assistance.

And know that this place is awesome for support and info.
You're not alone...
Keep in touch...