Originally Posted by Imahotep

At the risk of being a downer;

I mostly go from one negative emotion to another. These negative emotions are closely correlated with the pain but some also come when pain is low or absent altogether. When I feel the pain before the negativity I'm depressed and when I feel the negativity before the pain I feel guilty like it's all my fault. This is an embarrassing condition and I'm always feeling guilty about not working or not beimng able to do much (which is the leading cause of depression).

Anti-depressants give me all sorts of trouble but I don't think I could take them even if they didn't because they just paint a fake smile on my face and make me feel worse. Lexapro is a little better but I don't tolerate it well. When I can suppress the pain and the depression sometimes the paranoia will flare up. This is really just another type of pain; a sort of mental anguish.

I need to keep busy but it has to be something that doesn't require rapt attention or the pain will sneak up on me like lion. Of course physical activity is pretty limited. A little bit of overdoing it will cause a two or three day excursion.

It's been especially tough in the evenings lately because of extreme boredom.