((((Manda)))) - if I'm not mistaken, I think this is the first time I have written to you. When you came into the room, I was there... sitting with you and the others who come to our forum.... I was listening... and if you could see me, you would have often seen my smile of understanding or my head nodding. You have been surrounded by some terrific support and altho I knew I could speak, what I would have said had already been spoken by you or the others. So, I nodded my head with support.

Today I am speaking directly to you (and of course, the others) to thank you for sharing such an intimate piece of who you are.

Like David, I don't know your age, but my thought is that you are quite wise beyond your years.

You are figuring out who you are. You have amazing insight into the whys of your life... and are moving forward figuring it all out... and (a lot like me...!!) forever analyzing things to make the best of the here and now.

I've said this before and never stop saying it - half the battle of depression/suicidal thoughts is recognizing it and talking about it - reaching out for help!

Some people in our lives understand this and are able to help us. Others can't. I've learned that its OK if they don't get it. I used to be angry towards them but figured it really isn't their fault - (it is what it is!) and they can't change themselves unless they want to change.

You mentioned that you were toxic. I don't hesitate to say - perhaps it wasn't you. Perhaps it was them.

Life's circumstances brought you to where you are are, Manda. You're moving on and away from a toxic life. You're reaching out and searching to help yourself. I have silently applauded you here... now I am speaking out.

Where you are right now... and where you are heading is good for you. Life is a slippery roller coaster ride... a mountain to climb... and so many things in between - good and bad. Recognizing that is half the battle, too.

So I applaud you for sharing the "unspoken truth" between you and your sister.

I applaud you for having no expectations ... and for loving, forgiving and accepting your sister for who she is.

Addy (who is going to be late for work if she doesn't get moving!!)