Dear Pam,

I am sorry you are suffering not only with your illness but because of lack of compassion and understanding around you.

I am glad you decided to check in here and tell us about what is happening. Hopefully your docs will call back too... if not... call them again. Docs have a way of having too much on their plates and getting absent minded (at least i know a few that way). It does make one feel abandoned, on top of the other stuff. That is the worst feeling!

LOL on your thought about living in a box... except no internet. You know i have thought the same thing at time. My housemates (relatives) sometimes dig into me at really bad times. They have tried to educate themselves, so I cannot fault them, but they have not gone the step further... literature suggests some therapy for family members, and mine - after trumpeting loudly about it at first - abjectly refuse whenever i bring it up. Unfortunately a lot of family members (spouses and other) just do not get bipolar. It is a tough thing to get. Of course, when someone refuses to read or in some way educate themselves about the illness, that is even worse.

You do mention your grandchildren. Enjoy them, and try to fill your mind and heart with their love. Sometimes we have to look at whatever good we have and try to focus on it real hard, to make it through the icky stuff.

I hope you can get in touch with your docs, and that you can get your husband to come around somehow. One thing i would do - perhaps ask your therapist about how to broach it with hubby - is perhaps suggest he come for a few joint sessions to help him understand. Then he can vent in a mediated setting, and your therapist will help him understand more actively. It is easier to put a book down. (But also, if you have never bought him a book, you might do that too. Trying won't hurt.)

How is work going?

Keep posting. We want to know how you are.



~ waves ~