Quote:
Originally Posted by saxdragon
My family is mostly clueless about depression. They believe depressed people like being that way because it's easy.
A little background:
I've have had depression since childhood, chronic (dysthymia?) and recurring major episodes every three to five years, and often made worse under too much stress. I've had suicidal thoughts since childhood, self mutilating behaviors I hid for years (decades, actually), and the older I get, the more I have given up on as I see more and more personal failures in life.
My family believes my current episode is "just for attention". Had they taken some interest in getting to know me the last 30 something years, they'd know better. Never mind that I ended up hospitalized five years ago for depression, or that my school records reflect recurrent episodes (as far back as 3rd grade).
As a child and teen, the family solution to my "behavior problems" was a whipping. Often. Like that did any good. As an adult, their solution is to criticise me, treat me like I'm too stupid to know anything about my own health (depression is not my only health problem and they tried to hijack my careful planning with my new GP to address those issues, some of which I've also had - and been untreated for - since childhood that they also claim they didn't know about), and basically make life as difficult as possible (they believe making a depressed person's life difficult "spurs" them on to "get better").
The family's solution is to ignore the past problems and just pretend they don't affect me. I disagree. My feelings of worthlessness to relate not just to depression but things I was told or how I was treated all my life - my grades were not "good enough" (my sister's were better), my friends weren't "good enough" (my personality is not the same as my sister's), my room wasn't "clean enough" (so I'm not a neat freak, it was clean to me), etc. Exploring how these issues effect me now helps me change those deep feelings attatched to them.
Now to my question:
I know there are references in the psych literature that ignoreing the past is not helpful, and making life too difficult does not speed up recovery. I read them several years ago, ironically, while over medicated on antidepressants (which left me in a chronic state of mania - something the pDoc said was "just fine" despite the fact that had I been that way without meds, they'd've hospitalized me for it). Anybody know where I might look for those references?
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The best of families who don't have depression don't understand it. Especially if they are workaholics, neatniks, or achievement oriented. This is their problem, not yours, but it creates problems for you. Have you considered printing some articles from the internet that describes your situation and giving these to family? It feels to me that my family is subtly punishing me for my depressive symptoms as well. It feels like they were friendlier when I was productively working and that I am being subtly cut off since I have become unable to work. You should qualify for disability benefits by virtue of your dx, if you have payed in enough for SS. This might reduce any need for help from your family. Further, winning disability might help prove the reality of your illness to your family. SS does does not give benefits to those who are well but just trying to "get attention." The references you request sound familier but elude me. Trying googling Families of the Depressed Patient; Anger in the family setting; Abuse of the depressed child; Understanding Depression from a family viewpoint; The impact of child abuse on development of depression. Freud is not so much in vogue anymore, but he gave credit to past experience as being the cornerstone of every person. Actually we still do this today. Since you have likely had a psychosocial history done, you may recall how their were questions re your early development, parenting, and other early childhood experiences. As a former psychiatric social worker, I learned through the years that failure to meet up to parental expectations - no matter how unrealistic they might be - is a breeding ground for depression. Hugs, Empathy and Best of Luck with hurtful circumstances not your fault. billie