Know that you done your best. To give love to someone so special in your life is the greatest gift you can give. I too, lost my husband to cancer the middle of July and life is hard for awhile. My first Christmas without him and now his birthday is in Jan. He was the love of my life and life can be hard.

Put it in words and we will listen to you and try to help. Don't blame yourself though. You did the best you could do.
May Gods peace be with you,
BC