Those who know me from the BrainTalk autism community will know about my pets, Nera being one of them. I know that some here won't know what I'm talking about, so I'll give a brief history:

I was at my parents' house (they breed German Shepherd Dogs) in April of 2008, caring for their dogs while they were out of state. They had an 8 week old litter, and one of the puppies became very skinny and lethargic. My mom had a friend of hers take the pup to her vet (I cannot drive due to visual impairment), where the vet said she had a problem where her pancreas was not producing digestive enzymes (the very specific diagnostic test for pancreatic insufficiency was not done or even offered, yet that label was arbitrarily slapped on her). She was brought back to me with very specific feeding instructions, feed her a meal laced with a digestive enzyme supplement every 6 hours. I grew very attached to this pup, who was so emaciated and weak, her dull coat was like a rag wrapped around a collection of bones. I would often put her in her crate at night (she was separated from the rest of her litter, she was weaned at that point so this was okay) and wonder if I'd find her dead in the morning, that's how sick she was. I stayed at the house after my parents return home to help with her, and she kept failing to respond to the point that we gave her a deadline. If she didn't turn the corner by the end of the week we would put her down. As if she knew, she picked the time that we assigned the deadline as the time she would start to improve. Soon, she started slowly gaining weight and became a bundle of energy.

We soon realized how expensive this lifelong treatment was going to be however, and my mom gave another deadline. If she didn't find a home where someone could afford the enzyme supplement by end of June 2008, she would be euthanized. We knew it was unlikely we'd find her such a home (just the med cost over $30/week). Having had a previous bad experience attending a euthanasia with my mom's vet, I insisted that my vet do the procedure (that's where the deadline came in...that's why end of June...my vet was on maternity leave and that's when she was due back), as I wanted to be holding her but didn't want it happening with my mom's vet. Well end of June came, and at that point one of my cats needed to be vetted, I think it was like my vet's first day back in. My mom and I headed over with my cat, and a sense of dread was over me as I knew we'd be making another appointment at that time, and within a few days sweet Nera would be gone. Well, my vet had suggested putting a flyer up at Michigan State's vet college, as some times vet students will adopt hard luck medical cases like this. Took a while to get the flyer to MSU, I think close to the end of July, but then yet another deadline was issued...Nera had two weeks. What helped was I had found a generic brand of the enzymes so could get it a little cheaper than from the vet. Well I'd been doing a lot of research about pancreatic insufficiency, and found out there is a very specific test done and without it you don't know that's what it is. Well by then it was August of '08, and I decided to do a test of my own -- I would take her off of the enzymes. I knew that if it was PI she would very quickly start going downhill. Well, you know, she did great off of the enzymes. My vet had confirmed this meant she was producing her own digestive enzymes, and that the enzyme therapy never was really needed. She likely had something else going on that finally started to resolve. Now that it seemed she would be a healthy dog, she was relieved of being on 'death row'.

But something was going on, she always had been very small. But it seemed she was doing well, even with her stunted growth. Well from November of 2008 to March of 2009 she had episodes unrelated to the previous problems, and I really thought I might lose her. Though she lives at my parents' house (as I can't have dogs at my apartment), she's my dog, as she would have been put down long ago had I not intervened like I did on her behalf. Though there were many times during the aforementioned time frame that I was wondering if I would have to make that decision for her own well being. But she hasn't had an episode for a while, so she really seems great. Albeit, you guessed it, small.

Okay, that's the history for those who don't know from BT.

One thing Nera sometimes does is skids almost as if she's somewhat losing her balance, especially when she gets excited. Of course, some dogs do that, just that when she skids it's quite a skid. But this is the way it's always been, and other than the aforementioned health episodes she seems quite good. It, along with her small size, is just one more clue that *something* is going on. She may not live the normal lifespan of a GSD, but she's happy, so as long as she's happy I'm happy. I took her to my vet recently to be weighed, she is filled out and a good weight for her size (no longer so skinny), and she was 42lbs. She's almost a year and a half old now, so she should weigh more than that (i.e. she should be bigger). Everyone that sees her assumes she's around 4-5 months, until told she's a year old, and they're surprised. My mom has said she's had friends come over, comment on how beautiful Nera is, ask how old she is, and when my mom says just over a year, they'll go: "Really? I thought she was a puppy!"

Well I'm over at the house caring for dogs, and today she had a nice skid on the kitchen floor. Quite a good skid. Now she's her happy-go-lucky perky otherwise healthy self, and it's not that she doesn't do that sometimes, but I don't know. For some reason it just seemed like a big reminder that she's got some issues.

I think what's difficult for me is not knowing if she's through the worst of it, and when or if the next episode will happen, and when or if she'll have the big episode I can't help her through, and hoping when that happens it's because of old age, but knowing it may not be.