Ada,
I don't think you sufffered from severe chronic depression, before, that you never got out of bed or took care of yourslef prior to Bills passing. I know it is tough, I lost both parents, not my spouse, so While I had so much depression over thier loss, it still was not Tommy so I can't imagine.

I know when I went through my divorce and had to find a job, with small children and a husband that got a highschool pregnant while I was having our third I was devestated. I was likely much like your friend. I had my kids to think of and when my little one came in and siad don;t cry anymore Mommy, woke me up.

It took a year, about that time I went back to school, took some clases finished my Associate Degree. I joined a group, got involved in community things. I met a few friends that cared to call me, get me out ocasionally. Then I remet my future husband. Years before, we had married others, divorced when spouaes got pregnant by others and then we dated. For 13 years, then decided to marry over 14 years ago.

My depression was gone, although I always have sad events, the parents death, my kids health problems, my health problems, money issues. But what I found was, I needed coping skills. I found a wonderful psych that dealt with chronic pain patients how it affects their life. We had many things that helped reivent me to aperson I like and am.

I first met him to help my daughter and realized, he was my biggest advocate. He knew what I didn't know. I had loss my job as Chief, I was never going back to it, I had so many losses, but I had to morn that life, now at a year I told him, I think I would go to school. He was killed in a car accidnet before I enrolled, but weould be so glad I did it.

From there you know I did go back, I excelled, found a part time job, and do really well there. It is not the life I expected, or the pride I had in my position before. My prior coworkers treat me like a peon with no professional respect anymore......It was one of their own's neice that hit me in the car accidnet....

But, I realized, the Effexor, the prozac, etc. had side effects, they masked, I was much better getting grip, finding good days, crying through bad days and doing it on my own. I take ativan for panic anxiety, but no where like I did. Maybe 30 in a year.

Surgery for the stimulator...if there is a physical reason for depression, not a loss, an emotional crisis is considered. But, Ada, until you morn, find quality of life to go on, I am not sure the stimulator will help.

The person I met that had the surgery, had a life long battle of depression. But, if he were to lose a sibling, or parent, I don;t think his stimulator will avoid his grief.

Our friends that have a more difficult time getting over the loss, were generally people that were totally dependant on their spouse and isolated from others. Finding a friend that also loss a spouse, attending a grief support group, volunteering a day a week at a hospital gift shop etc, may help better then anything to find a new Ada.

Bill would want to watch you and see that your are a star shining and filling others with love and kindness.

All my love.
Di