I read this thread as if it was the first time... and I found it interesting to see I learned more than I did the first time I read this...

Nik-key ... what you wrote above is powerful and deep... its raw.
You wrote with absolute eloquence... as if the words flowed out of you...

And today I am moved to say this to you...

I believe that many of the things your Dad taught you were what he hoped he could change in you... somethings he just couldn't change in himself...

I think your Dad and you are very alike and that is why you had this special bond - your Dad was a gift to you... as you were a gift to him....

Your Dad's wish for you right now would not be sadness, my friend... but naturally, it is sadness and despair that you feel...

I am sure your Dad is so very sorry

................

Addy