I did pause for a moment, and the thing that really hit me was that SO often when he is being, I guess impulsive, he does act like he's in his own world, like the whole noise making thing, which is what I kinda thought about.

So I said pretty quietly and so he was the only one that could hear, a reminder to him that when people ask him to stop, he needs to do that. This is a REAL problem with Audrey too...and the whole idea really scares me for later on in life.

I didn't say it mean or with a tone, just kinda in a reminder tone...like Oh Coley this is a good example...just wait a minute.

The toy was a little lego guy on a bike...I'm sure Jacob was concerned that if anyone touched it, it'd end up in pieces. None of the other kids were touching it either, I'm sure that before I got there the same instruction had been given to the group by Jacob (and probably to Coley several times hese the def comment), and there was sorta a choir of "Oh no!'s" and "Coley!" and gasps and things while Jacob said what he said.

I was pretty offended by Jacobs "What are you deaf" remark too, but couldn't think quick enough to comment on that, particularly in the middle of a group of noisy kids, the place was packed, ya know.

I'm sure that in hind-sight I could think of a bunch of different things I could have done...and I'm sure next time something like happens I'll handle it differently...lord knows I've run the gammot with it, it happens SO often...

It was more or less the whole, if it wasn't that particular incident, I'm quite sure it would have been something else, because that too happens all the time...

I thought about if I had waited in the car a few more minutes until he had gotten into the class...

but I'm pretty sure that had I walked into his class after he was settled and playing that he would have ran out or dived under a table.

And I'm pretty sure that had I not been there for the Jacob incident that Coley would have just sat there feeling bad, but not touching the lego guy, or he would have said, "Jacob that was a mean thing to say, I'm not deaf!"
I'm sure he would also said something like "I'm not going to talk to you anymore" or something to that affect too. He has no problems telling people when he's been offended, but certainly has a HUGE problem when others have been offended by him or his actions.

Later on, we talked about it, and he kept saying it was all Jacob's fault he acted like that. No matter how many ways I explained to him that he is responsible and in control of his own actions he just kept telling me I was wrong, that it was all Jacob's fault.

I did tell him that I thought that what Jacob said was not very nice, but that it didn't make his behavior ok.

And ya know what, Jacob isn't even in his board games class! So the fact that the issue rolled over into that part of his day is completely illogical...and I totally understand we are talking about a 6yo and emotions that he has difficulty controling, but don't forget we are talking about Mr. Precision here...he should have been relieved that he wouldn't have to look at Jacob's mug for the remainder of camp...it really had nothing to do with Jacob, it was me.

And then to top everything off (for me)...

tangent alert: you know that song, Iris by the Goo Goo dolls...well for whatever reason that song reminds me of his hellish birth and stay in the NICU...it was only 6 weeks, but it was so tramatic...and there were so many days I would just sit next to him unable to touch him, wondering if he had any clue that this person sitting by him was his mommy, versus the Rn's & Drs that got to touch him...course they were cramming things down his throat and poking him with IV needles putting cold thermometers under his little arm and sticking leads to his paper thin skin...but atleast they got to touch him...

And I just NEVER wanted to leave him at night...the Rns used to have to tell me: "Time to eat mom, time to go home mom, time to rest....." And my heart just ached being at home without him! Or even being able to eat, when he couldn't...

and then that song later took on a WHOLE 'nother level when he went into his ASD world...

So, one day recently we heard that song and I told Coley that it reminded me of when he was born & when he was little. I love hearing it now because I CAN touch him, not just physically but I can totally connect with him...it reminds me now of how far we've come...

Well he came home last week all excited that his board games teacher played the song while they were in class. Coley told him that it was the song that reminded me of when he was born, the teachers response (according to Coley) was "really?" not sure exactly how he took that, but doesn't matter...Coley has asked him to play it several times, and the teacher does.

So yesterday while I (and clearly Coley) was feeling so down, Coley's walking around the house singing "And I don't want the world to see me, cuz I don't think that they'd understand, when everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

UGH!