Guilt is a familiar friend to most if not all of us here in this forum. The what if's and why's are a companions that sit with us either silently or noisily most of the time.

I guess it is one of the endless quests - to accept life as it is and do the best with what we have - and to find joy in it regardless of the regrets or outcomes.

Life is a path full of choices. When we come to a fork in the road ,we must make the best choice at the time with what we know and then keep walking forward. The point is to keep walking and then look at the beautiful things along the road and find joy.

I am sorry that your are consumed with the "if only's" right now. Don't stop your journey, whatever the path and make the most of the beauty and the gifts that are in you while you walk.