I have been back on the C for a week now, and am back to where I left off. night sweats, night heat, dry eyes, rashy and I feel exhausted. it is truly my belief that I need to stop this. My MD spoke to my DH and explained how important it is to encourage me to continue on this med, and if I feel I really cannot tolerate this, he will place me on A or on Ty.

I know many are scratching their heads and saying "why doesnt she just quit?" well, marriage is a dance, and its a series of compromises. My DH is terribly frightened that if I stop this med its will result in disability, and a dramatic decrease in my own health. Remember we survived breast cancer, and I took some horrible meds that made me really ill, and in the end it saved my life, so I completely understand the mind set he is coming from. I have always had more courage than he, and sometimes I am willing to take risks that affect more than just me. I am working with my nurse from the MS center to make a better decision other than "i hate this, I just wanna quit." I am truly weighing the pros and cons.

how many lesions have I gained since being dx? how many have I healed or lost? how many relapses have I had? What is the average? My biggest fear, and sticking point is that I do have an optic nerve lesion, and have struggled visually. Am I risking that lesion should I go bareback? So, I am building a case to either stay on this med, or lay it down. I am trying to make a well informed, rational, well reasoned choice, and not just one based on "i hate this."

As I come to my conclusion and come to my decision I will come back and update. If I had to say based on emotional stuff, I would just lay down the needle. My DH and my MD make a good case to stay on the stuff, side effects or not. I feel trapped. I feel cog fog has me buried. I feel like a kid having a temper tantrum.

So, yes, I have picked up the needles, and havent missed a single injection, but I have not been convinced that I need to stay on this stuff. I dont feel Avonex would be a good fit for me, and I dont feel I am ready for Ty. it would be Copaxone or nothing.

Clear as mud? welcome to my world.