The verdict is in.

The DH and I talked, and talked, and talked. He is truly scared, and worried, and is really wanting me to stay on C until I simply cannot take it any longer. He has offered to get me MJ brownies to help me sleep, (HUGE deal for folks that retired from the prisons, trust me) and walks with me everyday, and has been my biggest advocate. It did help to talk to him. I am still angry, and feeling trapped when I went to bed.

MS nurse called this morn to tell me that I had 3 lesions on my optic nerves, and since starting copaxone I have only one. I had 23 or so lesions when I started copaxone and now I have 12. I asked if this could be a natural progression of the disease, or if she feels that its copaxone. She said while it could be a natural progression, and may have happened with or without copaxone, she feels that credit needs to be given where credit is due. The lesions did not back off the whole time I was on Betaseron, and yet they back off when I am on Copaxone, so ...after a lengthy conversation, and some tantrums on my part. I have come kicking and screaming back to the line of needing to stay on this med. Even if its making me unhappy.

For now, I keep shooting. I was assured they were watching the side effects carefully with me, and she gave me loads of pats on the back for being so tolerant of all the side effects. Most dont have this many, but the fact that its working she said makes it worth the fight.

Part of me is really upset, and part of me is relieved. This is good news, and this is bad news. I was told that I can take off ONE day per week if I really must. They dont want me to but see I am in the need of a mental health break, and are trying to work with me. They refused me on every other day shooting, and they refused anything more frequent than ONCE per week. Then I got a firm talking to about how if I feel I can possibly pick up that needle on whatever day off I chose, please do so.

I am happy the meds are working but crushed that I need to keep taking them. I feel pycho! half of me wants the MD to tell me "enough!" and half of me wants tools to keep fighting this disease with.

Thats my story.