Thank you, Di.

Sometimes i feel my days are not precious at all, but more of a burden to those around me. I am not of much practical use around here. I do not take good physical care of myself as i used to much less help others as much as i physically could at times.

As for the preciousness... other times i feel like... see i have kind of a big cosmic view of things... like about God too... my beliefs are not traditional... technically I would be agnostic I suppose, since that is the broadest category. However, i can relate what i believe to a concept of "God" as being a pervasive entity... a universal intelligence... comprising everything, and the ultimate "life force" if you will?

And that means me too, that means somehow if i am here, i am supposed to be, no matter how it feels. Like maybe that feeling has a teaching in it, for me, or for others to witness. I do not know because i cannot see the whole tapestry of life... the entirety of existence. It is beyond what we can know. It is beyond our tiny minds.

We have been taught, i believe, in different cultures, some basic tenets our minds can grasp, ways to see "a face of God" which enables us to discern good from evil. Free will comes in with this discernment. Some agnostics question the existence of good and evil. I have had perhaps too many "magical" experiences" or something, I don't know, and/or it goes back to some subtle Catholic underpinnings. (Indeed when i pray even this varies in form. Yes, I am wacky.)

But as for feelings... the "precious days" lost have become years ... years out of the full time work force. Years of blockage. Years of opportunity of retirement contributions not made, of family not had... of... utter standstill.

I am not sure if i will keep this med. More on that later.

Thank you for caring about me and thinking of my days as precious. Who knows, perhaps they are, even if i do not feel it. Thank you for making me contemplate on this.

~ waves ~