hi tammi sis,
like everybody else. I am glad that you DID post about your turmoil and the dilemmas that you are going through.
I also agree that you are one that always seem to give but is afraid to ask when you needed. And I hope in all of my deepest heart that by asking now, that you will find some resolutions.
few things about the situations trouble me.
1) How can the mortgage company just locate some payments, just now?
I am with Jo*mar when it comes to paying. I pay all our bills on line. As long as I know that they are safe.
look for this indicator.
everything starts with "http://"
but a safe and secure site will have "https://" (that "S" means it is secure as that company gaurantees that it is secure, so while you are not invulnerable to attacks, it is still a lot safer than paying over the phone or even through the mail. The accounts are also/should be itemized for you in easy and simple steps that you can keep track and print.
now, knowing you, and I am going to be blunt here. I fear that your fear is that you won't know how to do it and that you'll find it too technical for you to pay on line. But usually, the companies themselves should have a "tech support" that will walk you through the process over the phone.
Being proactive meaning getting out of your comfort zone. And I hope that you will be willing to step out of this comfort zone.
however, if you shall choose to still pay over the phone. Always do the following:
1, ask the person's name that is taking your payments. They usually have some sort of ID number associated with them. Ask for that. Record the date and time and ALWAYS, request for that transaction number. That transaction number is going to be your paper trail shall the need arise.
2, document everything. I know you get tired and you feel like there are so much to do already. Get a Manila envelope and just keep on stuffing things in there. And take a big black marker and write dates on everything so you'll have an easier time tracking it.
and once a week, ask your daughter to help you sort through it and file it. Is it a pain in the buttockskis? You bet. But is it absolutely necessary? YOU BET...
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there are differences between mortgage companies and banks and then there are shady ones inbetween. But currently, it all goes back the Fannie may and Freddie Mac (at least that's what I've been told) So, while Fannie and Mac don't want you to contact them. The mortgage companies and the banks have to answer to them.
Fred and Fannie will be the last resort that you'll go to (and they'll tell you that if you call them, but the good thing is that they'll have records if the companies are honest)
Mortgage companies can send you letters but they are NOT allowed to bully you. In each state, there are statutes about the rights of both the consumers and the lenders. I am not sure what it is in your state but there are always free legal advices to be given somewhere to aid you.
During this economic time, the mortgage companies are MORE willing to work with you than take your house away. Trust me 100% on that. They'd rather get money from you.
If they request late payment fees, you can work with them. If they request what is beyond "reasonable" you can take it to a legal counsel (which they usually try to avoid).
They like to bully those that get "scared" into thinking that they'll lose the house right away or they'll foreclose the house right away. But the truth is is that it takes time for them to do that. Due process becomes beauty in this case.
But in the mean time, you cannot let it scare you into doing NOTHING...you have to be proactive into seeking out the helps that are out there.
I know you feel uncomfortable and embarassed...but being uncomfortable and embarassed is NOT going to keep that roof over your head. You have to make that first step and go out and seek legal counsel like many have suggested.
If you are comfortable with asking help from your church, go for it. Even going to the local paper. You and Olhipie both got enough on your plates to garner enough interest for the papers to make a nice report and to help back off the mortgage lenders.
you might even look into your local banks that might be able to let you refinance out of the mortgage situation. Are there church members that work at local bank branches? Ask them for their help.
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your own mental health. You have to take care of yourself first. You cannot take care of somebody else and put the world on your shoulders and then expect yourself to take care of everyone else. That's impossible for anybody and you need tammilulu time.
I know it's hard because you are also the caretaker, but even 20 minutes away for yourself might help clear up your mind and your soul and make you refresh enough to take on the world again.
You are an awesome person for all you've taken on. But you cannot take it on with a frail and boggled state of mind.
I am so glad you talked about it. I am so glad you are telling olhipie about it and letting him comforting you. Although he might forget it in the next few minutes, at least you have a few moments of bliss while he remembers.
Find comfort in his arms for your own soul. Find comfort in others for your sanity.
once my voice gets back on track a bit better, I'll call my banker friend here and see if he can come up with some ideas...
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on a final note, and I am going to be blunt here...
it'll be very easy for you to just say heckit and just look at the stack of papers and the stack of bills and then get overwhelmed that you just want to cry and sit there and wish that the papers and the bills will go away.
I guarantee you, it won't...and it'll just keep on adding up.
Can you ask someone(your daughter) to help you sort through them. Have a priority list. like bills and such in one pile. Note and date them in order of importance and sort through it.
take a big ole calculator out. Find out what your budget is per month, how much are you behind, how much are you going to be getting.
Have these figure out and bring it to your church or local organizations or lawyers because it'll help them sort through it easier and be easier to help you with.
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as for your disability getting cut back, that is absolutely making me implacable...
call your congressman and senator. Don't be afraid, tell them of your situation and your health situation. They really DO work.
I've had to write my senator about my dad to get him on disability. But by the time they finally gave him medicaid, he was already one month gone.
But they did get the ball rolling a lot faster.
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in the end, you can do it, sis...you don't need to do all of it in one day. But you need to get started. That first step, always the hardest, but you can do it...
if you buy a 10lb bag of beef. You don't get to eat it all in one day. You eat what you can and freeze the rest.
treat these the same. Do what you can and save the rest as you can get to it...
and always, give yourself some nice quiet time, even if it only takes 20 minutes a day....
((((BIG HUGS))))) and love
lil bro
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came back to add that I missed the chapt 13 part (doh to moi)
http://www.uscourts.gov/bankruptcyco...chapter13.html
once my mind clears I'll have to educate myself and read up more on it and see if I can understand it better. The advantages and the disavantages...
don't give up, sis...many are pulling for you...