Manda,
I admire your openness.. I feel God lead me to this thread. You, as BlueMajo said, sound like my twin. Ever since I was very very young I was depressed. I remember being a young girl, maybe 6, and looking up at the sky and wondering why am I not like anyone else? I've always felt that way. My mother took me to a doctor when I was 12 because I was so shy and self conscious and couldn't integrate into any relationship. He put me on valium and it was never spoken of again.

And now I read all these wonderful posts from lovely people who have struggled as you are now, as I am now. Yes, friends will let you down. Boy, they sure have devastated me as I look back at my life. And then someone will surprise you with a hug and a warm, gentle smile that says, "I like you, the total package ..."

But it's amazing, really. I was praying just yesterday that God would show me some reason that I was alive ... and I received a phone call from a delightful woman I met briefly - - who is in a wheelchair from decades of multiple sclerosis. She was so happy to talk with me... I knew this would be special. It was a gift from above and I feel just that alone gives me an incentive to be better. To develop this new friendship.

Depression is devastating. Those who don't suffer from it cannot possibly understand. Why should they? All any of us knows is a result of personal experience. I am so very grateful to you for opening up. You are not alone; and I feel the warmth of all those posts too.

Thank you. Thank you. Wishing you some peace and serenity. Sending love and prayers your way... PG

PS Quote: LARA "I would suggest you never ever ever get comfortable with depression or feeling that you're always going to be alone." I'm going to write this down and keep it in my wallet at all times. Thank you so much. I go through these suicidal bouts every few days, so I'll always look in my wallet if I can't get near a computer. end Quote

I love this idea, Lara. I will do the same as you Manda... I can see now that it's completely defeating to try to be comfortable with depression! How crazy is that.... No, fight the enemy. Take up the complete armor of God and keep putting one foot in front of the other... Look for beauty... little things that bring pleasure ... Boy, have I babbled. Longest post by far. Again thank you, and Blessings,