Dear Yellowfever,

I’m sorry that you feel so sad today.

If I knew the magic words to say that would end depression, I’d have a fat bank account and millions would hang on my every word. Last time I checked my bank account was fat as a supermodel and even my kid doesn’t listen to a word I say. All I can do for you is extend empathy and offer you suggestions from my own experience.

Now my own experience is rather thin. I never suffered depression until after a car accident that left me with spinal cord damage and the mother of all brain boo boos. What I can tell you is that of all the injuries I’ve had to contend with (and the Ford Pinto had less wrong with it), the depression is by far the toughest. (If you all don’t mind I’ll probably spend more time on this forum than the TBI one.) Who I was physically and intellectually died in that car – but I didn’t. Now faced with rebuilding myself in the face of huge deficits, I think I know something of despair.

I’ve come up with a few things I do when I have one of those days when I just feel smothered by grief and purposelessness. They help me, maybe they’ll help you.

The first thing I do is try to figure out what’s really making me sad that day. Am I really angry with my husband or is he just a convenient target for the frustration and sadness I felt when I couldn’t remember how to work the washing machine?

In your case, is your job actually making you sad? If so, why? Are you overworked or confused by a certain task? If so, try a positive, proactive approach. Go to your boss and say, “I really like working here and I really enjoy working for you (Yeah, I know you may have to fib a bit here) so I want to do a good job. Could you please run through this task with me again so I can be sure I’m getting it just the way you want it.” You’ll be surprised how many supervisors feel flattered to be asked for input from conscientious employees.

Also remember that when you run yourself down, you’re attacking her judgment. She hired you because she deemed you qualified and capable – and you are.

If you’re having trouble at school, don’t be afraid to ask for extra time to complete assignments, etc… When I went to university it was sort of Paper Chase meets Lord of the Flies. Things have changed. Today, schools try to facilitate student success.

In short, what I’m saying is take a look at your life and try to identify the negative things that you can change. I know that won’t cure your depression, but it might help make your stress level more manageable.

Before I was hurt I had an important job and was an athlete. With those things gone forever, I suddenly found it hard to find meaning in my life. To keep from offing myself, I decided that everyday I would try to do something nice for someone else. Some days it’s only putting a coin in the SPCA collection tin. On days when I feel physically stronger I make a simple casserole for one of the elderly neighbours I know lives on a fixed income. I take it over and sit while he/she talks. I’m the perfect listener because they can tell me the same story over and over again and it’s always new to me. I know these aren’t big things: I’m not hitting the winning run or getting nominated for a Pulitzer. Still, these little acts of kindness mattered to the recipients – and if I wasn’t there they wouldn’t have happened. They are a way for me to shake my fist at the blackness and say “You won’t get me. I am a good person and the world would be poorer without me.”

And the world would be poorer without you too, Yellowfever.

Hang Tough: You Are Powerful