Thank you, as always.

It's not like I sit around dwelling on things. In fact I forget often. and then the thought hits me when i least expect it, like a wave of hot panic that jolts me awake from my life, a flush of adrenaline along with fear. I remember the same feeling as a teenager when I got dumped by a bad first boyfriend; waking up with a sense of panic.

I do enjoy my life. i have my gorgeous animals who are far happier hooning around the field than carrying me around and my krazy kats hogging the bed.

and when I get the business running, i will once more feel a sense of purpose. I think that's what I'm lacking. no children, no easy job, no purpose. just struggling and calming my frantic mind of all this.

I am new to this, i realise it's still sinking in (if i like to admit it or not).
I'm still sure there's been a mistake.
I am still wobbly on the leg today though...so maybe there's something...