BJ, BJ - you have us, always. I have a brother just like you describe. Sometimes I think I deserve his lack of time for me - I was a teen when he was born and didn't have a lot of time for him then. But I always loved him. And now he's too busy for an occasional call, even when it's me doing the calling. And I lost my mother in recent years. I have obsessive thoughts about suicide, but no real intent since certain independent churches got hold of me. It was very traumatic, but now I fear death. However, I have learned that when pain gets bad enough, suicide is no longer out of the question. Isn't what we are really saying is that we want out of the painful situation, not that we want to die? Sometimes that does seem like it's the only way out, I will give you this. But know this. Neuro is all that I have for support. Dad would like to be supportive, but he's pretty sure that "getting out among people" would cure my depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, back disc problems and everything else. But Neuro - certainly you being a major player - is enough. I love it. PM me anytime you are sitting on your hands or getting sick from treatment, if you do. Use me, I'm not good for anything else, and I'd like to be good for something. And bless you for all the support you have given me! billie