I wonder that you WILL get to see them...soon.

I wonder that if you shall ever lose your mind, that you'll always know that I will love you forever...*biggulp....

I wonder if I ever tell you this...that through the years, through the up and downs, that I remember when you pulled my ears...and how my (_!_) got hot in your car seat...and even with the pulled ear and a hot (_!_), it made me love you more...

I wonder if I ever tell you how much that packed sandwich made me shed a few tears that was so mixed with every emotion (but all good) and that package of orange cookies just about did me in (how did you know I love orange stuff?)

I wonder if I ever tell you that even when you get mad at me, I love you so much still...LOL

I wonder if I ever tell you that when I saw you for the first time, through the elevator, and I gave you that big hug with my big mickey mouse hands, that I was going to love you forever...

I wonder if I ever tell you that the night when you served me nothing but salads and hot A $$ soupie without the meat, that the hot a $$ soup warmed my heart more than the meat ever could...because in addition to that...you and Mr. Alpho waited three extra hours while we were stuck in Chicago to have dinner with us....that's when I knew you loved me back...

I wonder that when I couldn't find out how to start the shower at your house, and how I laughed...and how moss pretended she took a shower (POOR KWA(that's French, for "why") that I knew you and I are going to laugh forever...

I wonder that I want to tell you this NOW and not at your funeral(which is a LONG time from today)... so that you'll know....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder if BMW knows that I grew up on Manga and Anime and I love "My Neighbor Totoro!" but now they are heavily into Scooby Doo and won't watch anything else. LOL (Except Super Why and Word World. PBS has become my main source of contact with outside world now...)

I wonder how your daughter is doing at Duke?? OH them Blue Devils...that was one of my old stomping grounds there at them Research Triangle...

I wonder if BMW will save some nice quiet time for herself....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL I wonder is Sue knows that I always wonder at the word: Obsessive

when it SHOULD be obSSeSSive on both sides for those of us that are obSSeSSive about balance...

til this day, I spell OBSSESSIVE first because I am obsessived about it. But then I am obsessive about spelling so I always had to go back and correct Obssessive with obsessive and then I drive myself crazy if I would written a whole essay that used obssessive quite often...ok, I am leaving whatever obssessives I've written and see how much longer I can wait before I come back and change them all back to obsessive...
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder that I may leave this from Beethoven to my moss (cover your eyes if you are sticking your finger in your mouth. LOL)

The Lettres to the Immortal beloved
1
July 6
In the morning-
My angel, my all
my self - only a few
words today, and indeed with pencil
(with yours)
only tomorrow is my lodging positively fixed
what a worthless waste
of time on such - why
this deep grief, where
necessity speaks -
can our love exist but
by sacrifices
by not demanding everything
can you change it, that you
not completely mine. I am not
completely yours - Oh God

2
look upon beautiful nature
and calm your soul
over what must be - love
demands everything and completely with good reason.
so it is for me with you, for you
with me - only you forget
so easily, that I must live for myself and
for you, were
we wholly united, you would
feel this painfulness
just as little as I -

my trip was frightful.
I arrived here only at 4
o'clock yesterday morning.
because they lacked horses,
the postal service chose another
route but what a

3
horrible way, at the next to the
last station they warned
me about traveling at night,
made me afraid of a forest,
but this only
provoked me - and I was
mistaken, the coach had
to break down
on the terrible route,
a mere bottomless
country road [crossed out: and the] without 2 such postil-
lions as I had, I would have
been stranded on the way

Esterhazy on the
other customary route
here had the same fate
with 8 horses, as I with
four - still I had
some pleasure again.

4
as always, whenever I fortunately
survive something - now quickly
to interior from exterior.
we will probably see each other soon.
even today I cannot
convey to you observances,
which I made during these
few days about my
life - were
our hearts always close
together, I would of course make none of the sort
my heart is full of much
to tell you - Oh - there
are still moments when I find
that speech is nothing
at all - cheer up -
remain my faithful only
treasure, my all, as I for you
the rest the gods must
send what must
and should be for us -- your faithful
ludwig -

5
Monday evening on July 6 -

You are suffering you my dearest
creature - just now I notice
that letters must be posted
very early in the morning.
Mondays - Thursdays -
the only days on which
the mail goes from here
to K - you are suffering -Oh, wherever
I am, you are with me.
I say to myself and to you, arrange
that I can live with you.
what a life!!!! as it is!!!!
without you - Persecuted by
the kindness of people here
and there, which I think - I want
to deserve just as little
as I deserve it - Humility
of man to
man - it pains
me - and when I regard myself

6
in the framewoek
of the universe
what am I and what is
he - whom one
calls the Greatest -
and yet - herein is
again the divine spark
of man - I
weep when I think
that you will probably
not receive the first
news of me until
Saturday - as much as you
love me - I love you
even more deeply but - but
never hide yourself from

7
me - good night - as
one bathing I must go to
sleep [struck out: o go with]
[struck out: go with --]
so near! so far! is
not our love a true
heavenly edifice -
but also firm, like
the firmament -
good morning on July 7 -
while still in bed thoughts
thrust themselves toward you my
eternally beloved
now and then happy
then again sad.
awaiting fate.
if it will grant us a favorable hearing -
I can only live either
wholly with you or not at all.

8
yes I have resolved
to stray about
in the distance, until I
can fly into your arms
and call myself
entirely at home with you.
can send my soul
embraced by you
into the realm of spirits -
yes unfortunately it must be - you
will compose yourself all the more
since you know my faithfulness
to you, never can another
own my heart,
never - never - O God why
have to separate oneself,
what one loves so, and yet my
life in V [ienna] as it is now is a
miserable life - Your
love makes me the most happy
and the most unhappy
at once - at my age I would
need some conformity
regularity of life - can

9
this exist in our
relationship? -- Angel, right now
I hear that the mail
goes every day -
and I must therefore
close, so that you
will receive the L [etter] immediately -
be calm, only through
quiet contemplation of our
existence can we
reach our goal
to live together -
be patient -love me -
today - yesterday -
What longing with
tears for you -
you - you my

10
love - my
all - fare-
well - o continue
to love me - never
misjudge the most faithful
heart of your
beloved
L
forever yours
forever mine
forever us


Notes
This letter has been translated by Virginia Beahrs, word for word. She kept Beethoven's original punctuation, spelling and capitalization just as he had written it. She also placed the words as he had them on the page. He had large handwriting and the paper was rather small, so the letter took ten sheets of paper.