Thank you all SO much for your support - I really appreciate it and what you said brung tears to my eyes! It's so nice being able to talk to people who understand what i'm truly going through!

My grandads Birthday was pretty tough, I guess it's times like this where I miss him the most. I'd just give anything to be able to go to my nanans and see his face one last time and let him know how much I love him. I never got the chance to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him when he died and thats one thing that I have always regretted.

It was my nanans Birthday the day before my grandads so we went to visit her and take her presents round. Whilst we were there, my aunty and uncle and cousion and her kids were there. We went and took some flowers out into the garden. When my grandad was alive, he said whenever he died, he wanted his ashes to be put in the garden so my nanan did and we got a rose bush that we named after him. We put the flowers next to his ashes. It was pretty upsetting but I know it is something my grandad would have wanted us to do.

Whilst we were in my nanans house on her Birthday, some of her cards kept falling down. I know it sounds strange but it was sort of though my grandad was communicating with us and letting us know that he was still looking out for us and was wishing my grandma a happy Birthday. I never believed in ghosts or spirits before my grandad died but I do now - theres been quite a few things that have happened that made me think my grandad was still with us.

I went to the movies with my friend on my grandads Birthday. I really didn't want to as I just didn't feel up to it but went as I told her i'd go. She kept asking what was wrong and I think she knew I wasn't my normal self, even though I tried to be. The upset of my grandads Birthday had caused a bit of a pain flare so I just didn't feel up to doing much. They always say that it gets easier in time but it doesn't seem to have at the moment; I still spend many hours crying about the loss of my grandad and wish every day I could just go and see him one last time.

I got my letter from college today with all of the important dates on the course. I'll be starting the course on the 9th September and on the 23rd, I will have a placement induction day in the morning. On the 13th October, my mum will have to attend a parents briefing and on the 19th, we will have a visit to a care home. In November, we will have an health and safety training day at a school near us which will last a full day and then my first 10 day placement will start on the 23rd November to the 4th December. In January, we will have a trip to an hospice and social services and in February, we will have a 2 day award in food safety. On the 29th March, we will have an 8 day placement which will run til the 1st April. In July next year, we will have another placement adn then a summer school which will last 5 days. In August, there will also be a period for us to catch up with any placements that we may miss due to ilness etc. In between all of that, i'll have to go to college on a Monday, Wednesday and Thursday AND do all of my school work on top of that so i'm going to be extremely busy!!

My mums managed to find a Science course that I can do online that she's going to get me enrolled onto and her boss has said that I can do a Citizenship qualification at her work (my mum works for the youth service). I don't think the school will be right happy with us doing that but it will be better for me as it will be less stress and i'll get more free time to rest and for hospital appts etc.

I'm hoping that i'll be able to cope with the course OK. I really want to prove to all of the doubters that I can do something even though I have RSD and it's something I really want to do so hopefully, it will be worth it!!

Thanks again everyone for your support, it means a lot!