It is with a heavy heart that my aunt passed away this afternoon.

Barbara was a wonderful aunt and even like a mom to me. More than my mom ever was at least in an emotional and supporting ways other than putting a roof over my head. My aunt was one of the main reasons I stayed connected to my family.

So I sit here and cry for her and formyself because I always felt distanced from my family based on how they treated me and now the one person that kept me connected is gone. But I have wonderful memories of her.

God she suffered so in the end. And I hurt for her suffering and hope she is resting with God now.

I know my mother is hurting right now and I need to be the bigger person and do what is right. But she took my head off today when she called to tell me about my aunt. And I get a feeling that although she says I should come she does not want me there at the funeral. See in our relationship I raised myself and I was always the more the parent and she was always more the child. And it was my aunt that kept us connected. Gosh with my aunt gone now all these feelings of abondonment from my childhood and from my parents divorce are rearing their head. But I am not really alone. I have a wonderful husband.

But I will go and do the right thing and pay my respects for my aunt. I will try to remain centered and true to myself. Unlike my mother I am not going to make my aunt's death all about myself.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and God Bless Barbara.

And thanks for listening!