Tingly -
Right on the head about the immature responses. It's also a less confrontational approach, easy to back down if the disagreement gets too heated, and that person often gets cornered into being the one who appologizes, as if she/he is at fault for feeling hurt to begin with.
The hard part about doing counseling with these people is that they fool everyone else, they tend to tell the *truth as they see it*. They're often charming, and twist reality to suit their own perceptions.
When confronting my p/a friend, if I'm upset about the empty gas tank, he turns the topic to the fact that he washed the car. It's got nothing to do with what i'm saying really, but it makes sense to him.
The only way to deal with these people is to learn their tactics. Keep them on topic. It's not about the car wash, it's about my 3/4 tank of gas! What about that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey
Wow! Brainbegone and Tinglytoes you two should have your own TV show or at least an advice column in a major newspaper. I'm serious: you are two smart cookies. One would be hard pressed to find a psychology PhD with half your insight into human nature.
I read your posts and kept thinking, “there's my husband” - right down to the empty gas tank. Seriously, he pulls that one all the time.
I wonder if people's passive aggressive tendencies become even more pronounced when their partner is sick or injured? I mean, they’re frustrated, but it wouldn't do to be seen displaying unmasked hostility against someone struggling with peripheral neuropathy like lefthanded.
Good luck lefthanded and I’m sorry about your beautiful roses.
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As soon as I started getting tested, my dh took off for a week - on business, he says. Two years later I found out, he went to meet up with an old girlfriend. He never admitted to that, i found out from my son.
Over 20 yrs of marriage, stayed with him through all his problems, and I have one health issue and he's ready to bolt?
I have since become a LOT more aggressive - yes, that is the word I'd use - in managing my life, my relationship. It's not all my way or the highway, but I am adamant about respect. I don't need him, and I'm not afraid to leave and he knows that now.
After everything I've been through, very little scares me - and being alone does not scare me at all.
I think the spouses start to wonder about leaving. but long term, maybe it's the sick ones who realize life is too short to deal with their mates. At least, I feel that way. I'll stay if it's good for me, but not out of any loyalty or guilt. When it's not good for me, if something better happens for me, i'm outta here. Life's too short.