Subject: Dress Code.


COMPANY POLICY - EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

* If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are
doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise.
*If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you
may buy nicer
clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

* If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-
workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements. In rare
cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one
hour early.

Bathroom Breaks

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door
will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught
smiling in the
picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they
can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average
figure.

* Fluffy people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to
drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input
should be directed
elsewhere.

A FLUFFY PERSON
BC