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Young Senior Elder Member
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,298
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Young Senior Elder Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,298
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"It would be hard to bear if the first intensity of grief went on and on and on, year after year. But that doesn't happen. We do begin to feel better. This may startle us. We may even wonder whether we are being disloyal to our love. How foolish! What would our loved one want more than to see us lifted from our sadness? And indeed, the truth of who the person was can come to us much better once some of the grief has passed. In the early stages we are preoccupied not with the memory of our loved one, but with our own pain.
Prarticularly in the early stages of grieving, let's not think ourselves into a future we cannot know. Whatever else it is, will surely be different from our frantic imaginings.
A Quaker discourse comes to mind on "being present where you are". It is good advice at any time but especially now."
Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman
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This is such a gem of a book that I often go back and reread some of the pages. Barbo and I were talking about that "blur" of those first weeks and months after you lose a child...most of those first weeks we have no memory of at all...that cocoon of protection from unbearable pain.
Being present where you are now and not thinking ourselves into a future we cannot know......
This little book speaks volumes. 
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