Quitting smoking was a tough one for me, I was so addicted I would drag my IV pole full of chemotherapy out to the smoking area because I couldn't wait another hour for the IV drip to finish. I was miserable and I need a cigarette much more than I needed the chemotherapy drip to finish. So there I was in the middle of winter, with an IV bag hanging onto the catheter in my neck, and a cigarette dangling from my fingers. Oh, how fashionable I was. I made one excuse after the other and believed every one of them. I wasn't ready to quit. When I finally did quit, I did it for me, nobody else, just me. I had harassed by friends, family, and coworkers. My DH and DS DD used to ask me almost daily to please quit. I did try many times, and I failed many times. I prayed about it, I worried about it, and I stressed about it.

It was long after the chemotherapy was finished and my blood work went sideways showing all sorts of inflammatory markers, and I began to worry the cancer was trying to return, but I got the courage to pray harder. I went to the doctor and asked for the nicotine inhaler. It was one of the best things I ever did, but I was ready. I was ready to do it for me, nobody else, for no other reason, it was only about me. When I stopped smoking my blood work almost instantly dropped back down to normal levels. What I didn't know then, is that I had MS and I was in a flare or a relapse. I was dropping my left foot, and had fuzzy vision in my left eye. That alone would explain the increase in levels of my blood work. Had I even suspected MS, I probably would not have had the courage to stop.

I am so happy I did. I smell better. I no longer have that funny little cough. And I spend my money on a better selection of toys. It was hard work for the first couple of months, but after that it got easier and easier. I know I'm one of those people that can never, ever pick up a cigarette even for just one puff. I know with just one puff I would be instantly hooked all over again. I know how hard this struggle is to lay them down. I don't envy the task for anyone, but I'm ever so glad I took the journey. And the famous line is, if I can do it anyone can.

to those who can, to those who can't.