Hi Both

Thank you for your posts - It was so nice to know that maybe i'm not completely losing my marbles.

Am so completely frustrated with everything... my anger is getting the better of me, and having always been a bit of a pacifist all I manage to do when angry and frustrated is let it all build up and start crying my eyes out. I sit here writing this with tears running down my face - what the hell??

I sometimes wonder if it is just "in my head" so to speak. I have had a pretty bad time of things since the accident... my relationship fell apart (i think due to how i was since the accident) and my career that i was excelling it has fallen flat on it's face with me missing out on my promotion, AND, instead of managing projects, I am reduced to scanning little bits of paper and filing them online. This has been going on for the last six months.

I am seeing my GP this morning. Am in UK and as far as I'm aware my GP is my only option. I think my frustration lies in the fact that when I'm referred on the NHS i have to wait weeks and weeks and weeks to get anywhere with the referral. I don't have medical insurance (my "opt in" period was right after the accident - I was too ill to do anything about it and didn't even realise). What i have got in the pipeline however is i have an ongoign legal case. As part of that process I have been to see an orthopeadic consultant who was great at telling me i had no bone/structural issues, but could provide no guidance as to how to fix everything else (not including my head). I have also been referred to a neurologist and psychologist for them to examine me and produce a report for my case. I am a bit scared about this cos I'm worriedthey'll think i'm making it all up.

My other cause for concern is that with work making me so miserable of late i decided (rightly or wrongly) to take a career break at the end of this year - The only other thing i know how to do is ski, so have signed up to do a ski instructor course in the Alps. I am excited but equally frightened - what if it's a terrible idea? I know I need to get out of this hell i am living in now and away from those who pretend to care (i tell you what - having an accident really lets you know who your friends really are)!!

Re the blackouts- I haven't passed out yet though I do feel like i am about to - it's definately a "losing of the sight".

Was in work yesterday feeling absolutely terrible.. I had a huge pressure round the base of my skull and felt so weak, like it was a massive effort to stand up.

I do wonder - is this PCS, or is this Depression, or is it a bit of both. I don't like the thought of being either - I want to be ME again... why can't i be me????

Sorry for the waffle