Maybe you could break down that stream of conciousness post into about ten parts and we could take it apart one piece at a time. My memory is also getting worse ( a subjective evaluation) -maybe more appropriate to say: seems to be going through some fundamental changes. Maybe I put less attention into the things of this day, maybe my memory banks are all filled up, maybe I just need a Carribean Vacation, maybe I've inhaled too much second hand smoke. I prefer to think my brain is changing rather than dieing. I am not my brain, I believe the brain is just the connector between the physical and the spiritual -that place where the two exchange information. Sort of like the transporter on the Enterprise where Scotty had the power to break the physical down to finite particles and zap you through space until you were at that place where the intangable could become the tangable again.

I am an obsessive journaler. I actually can feel an anxiety attack building if I feel like I need to write and don't have a piece of paper or a pen. Writing is an outlet for me, a way to let off steam. I understand people when they say they have to write. I look back on a lot of it and wonder what was so important it had to be noted. Lots of loose ends and trivia. We are peculiar beings. One of my favorite movies is Rainman with Dustin Hoffman. Another is Gilbert Grape with Leonardo DeCaprio. Both with characters outside the realm of "normal" yet we can relate to them. Why is that? Possibly because we are not really all that different from them.

I have gotten back to drawing in the last few years. I ask myself now, why did you ever stop drawing? But I know my drawing is very different than it used to be. There is definitely a change in my perception and my ability to put it on paper. Unfortunatley I destroyed 99% of my work before this recent bout took hold of my spirit. I can't compare, but I know something has made me much better than I used to be. I "know" things better. But I can't explain it. Parkinson's is like a big frustration to me. There is no pain, just the constant presence of it in my life. The huge blocks of time wasted when I can't do much (anything). I must stop an be an observer only. Maybe that's the key to it all. I'm learning to sit by the sidelines and watch and wait.

Well that's enough rambling for this session. I'm begining to bore myself ....so your probably in a sound sleep by now if you made it this far. What was the question again?