Greeting Kate,

I sustained a serious brain injury in a car accident over two years ago and continue to struggle with many of the symptoms you mentioned. Like you, I also have a young family and know all too well the pain of having to tell your child that you’re too tired to do things.

In fact, it’s the impact of the injury on my daughter that causes me the most distress. I am pretty stoical, but I have broken down weeping after seeing the disappointment in her little face when I told her it’s too dangerous for me to take her skiing or I just don’t have the energy for a tea party. I also hate myself when my explosions of temper make her cry. Yes, I understand what you’re going through. However, as I’ve been traveling this road a bit longer, I’ve also learned a few things that might help you.

Firstly, it’s probably best to be completely honest with your kids about what has happened and how it is impacting your behavior. My daughter is very young, but she understands what the frontal lobe does. I know it seems like heavy stuff for a child – but isn’t it better than fearing your mother had become some sort of unpredictable mad woman?

Secondly, be assured, that even on your worst day, your children know that you love them.

On the medical front, the frequency of your visits suggests that you have an attentive neurologist. You’re lucky. As a mommy, I recognize the delicate balance you’re struggling to maintain between controlling your pain and being mentally present for your children. It’s seems you’re besting me with that juggling act.

As for the testing, it’s not that unusual for standard scans to be less than perfect tools for diagnosing brain injury. (I can give you the technical song and dance if you like.) Neuro-psychological testing can be a much more useful tool for revealing actual brain function. If you haven’t had a neuro-psych, I would strongly suggest that you consider it.

A brain injury can be a confusing, frustrating and even life-altering event. Is it surprising that our loved ones have trouble understanding what’s happening to us, when we’re often bewildered ourselves? It’s good that you’ve recognized your need for support and are reaching out. Here at NT you will find many people who understand how you’re feeling and some with almost encyclopedic knowledge of TBI symptoms, medications and treatments.

If you haven’t already done so, I’d suggest you visit the Brain Injury Association of America webpage www.biausa.org It’s an excellent source of information that might prove useful to you and your husband.

BIAUSA has a New York State Chapter:
BIA of New York State
President: Marie Cavallo, Ph.D.
Executive Director: Judy Avner
10 Colvin Avenue
Albany, NY 12206-1242
Phone: 518-459-7911
In State Toll Free: 800-228-8201
Fax: 518-482-5285
E-mail: info@bianys.org
Website: www.bianys.org

If you contact them, I’m pretty sure that you will find brain injury support groups meeting in Buffalo. Brain injury can be scarey and isolating so I’d recommend joining one.

Again, welcome to NT and feel free to Private Message me if I can be of any help.

Rest and Get Well
p.s. The Sabres, eh? Did you become a fan before or after you hit your head?