I rarely post; I like to observe from afar. But I've hit a point today where I just need to vent, or whine, or something--and to people who understand.

This afternoon at work, I had a terrible scare. My job entails keeping track of various data files (sent in from all over the world), always being aware of version control, and making sure all necessary parties have the most up-to-date files. Well, today I started to work on some files, but my 77-year-old colleague insisted that I had already worked on these files Monday, and that they were impossible to complete (this is a complex system where I magically change DOS, yes, DOS (ca. 1987) into PDFs), because the files would not process correctly. I had no recollection of this, and admonished my co-worker saying that I would most certainly remember working on these files (in Italian), searching for unfindable errors together for almost 45 minutes, and giving up on them because they wouldn't convert into PDFs.

So I begin to search through my files, and lo and behold...there they were, time stamped September 14, 2009. And, I tried to process the files once more, and sure enough, they wouldn't convert.

Folks...I didn't just forget doing this for over 2 hours...I couldn't REMEMBER ever doing this. Even when "retracing" my steps, I have NO recollection of going through the process and working on these files. I'm only 30. My mind and memory are the basis of everything I currently do, and everything I hope to do (professionally) in my future. What do I do if my thinking is starting to slip? If things are getting this challenging now, how am I going to be in 10, 20, 30 years from now?

I plow through the physical symptoms every day--pain, numbness, tingling, even word drop. How am I supposed to thrive in my profession if my mind starts to go? My septagenarian bosses are as sharp as tacks, and I feel like I'm slipping. To make it even more of a burden...I haven't disclosed at work. I'm just so frustrated, because I end up looking like an idiot, or seeming moody.

I just needed to vent. Sometimes just seeing your words on the screen, well, sometimes that even helps.

Thanks for the "ears."