Hello and welcome. I've been in both places, after my obvious unsuccessful attempt my some of my family was critical. I had a parent that thought it was ok to demean my feelings to other family. I felt that it really would not have mattered if I had succeeded, which I did for many many years. I sometimes still feel as if my life could just end and be done, but I will not deliberately take my life.

To answer your question, however. When one experiences such emotions it is hard to explain why one wants to take their life, or understand. If a person has never experienced such depression or despair to the point of all hope being lost it is hard to understand. I have friends that died because they chose to end their lives. I've heard all the statements, 'being selfish', 'sick', 'trying to get attention', 'being stupid', and the list goes on.

Family and friends are left with questions they are afraid to ask, why..what did I do, what could I have done, what should I do. There are no easy answers, I think you have made a step in the right direction by coming here.
You are trying to find answers hoping things will be better, you have to trust they will be. You also have to realize and trust that no one is 'guilty' when suicide occurs, not the person left behind nor the loved one gone.

I hope you find the answers you need and I look forward to reading your comments. Again Welcome.
COK/Momma/Patricia