My pdoc who is a survivor sent me this poem and I try to focus on the message. She knows what it's like to have cancer and be bipolar. She's helping me so much.


My Battle - My Victory

Yesterday I fought a Battle, But I did not fight alone-
I had a Protector - A Guide, I was never on my own
This enemy came to me suddenly, No warning as to prepare-
And before I knew what happened, this enemy was everywhere.
I felt so overwhelmed; Did no one know my pain?
How could this be happening to me, How did it know my name?
Today I fight this battle, The enemy with me still
It has not yet taken control, Nor has it broke my will
It is hurtful and it is cruel, It doesn't care the damage it causes
It is wearing down my defenses; I can soon count my losses.
It is ruthless and emotionless, Its purpose to destroy
I cannot, must not let it, Will not let it have control
Hear me when I tell you, Please listen when I say
I have many scars from this battle; I do struggle from day to day
It takes many things from me; Within my body it has much power
It affects loved ones around me; The battle has become a war
You may not know by looking at me, Then again maybe you can,
That this enemy shows no mercy, I fall when I can no longer stand
It does not care what age you are, or your status here on Earth
It doesn't count your income, or what you think you are worth
This battle that I speak of, CANCER is its name
And because I continue to fight, I will never be the same!
Tomorrow may never come for me; I live only in the present
My life is right here, right now, What I have is this very moment
But I will continue to fight, For I learned down on my knees
is where I fight this battle, It is where God gives me the victory.


I’ve been so sick with vomiting and fever. I got the worst headache I ever had in my life from being so dehydrated. After they stuck a swab up my nose and the results came back I’m H1N1 positive. I’m just so fatigued and weak. But good news is, I guess, my chemo has been canceled. It’s scary but I know I can’t do it right now.

Thank you all so much for the wishes. I just have to get a bit stronger.