[QUOTE=Imahotep;569960]This feeling of worthlessness is one of the hardest things for me as well. Ironically I'm doing research now that could have important ramifications for the very survival of the species (more likely it's a crackpot idea) which I couldn't (or wouldn't) even be doing if I were working and healthy yet still I feel worthless because I can't dig ditches any longer. When I cast about for things I could do or learn to do I soon realize that they are all impossible. I can't do even the simplest tasks consistently and the RSD does affect my brain function and memory.

I think everyone who his sick and disabled needs to find passtimes to occupy himself. Even things that can be done on bad days if possible. The internet is a lifesaver for me but I also have a sedentary hobby which can provide enjoyment everyday. My current research is fascinating stuff and keeps me occupied for hours on end. I still try to do my old ditch digging but it seems more everytime that this is something I may have to give up. I tend to get more and more help when such jobs need to be done.

It's funny how things change. My job was never really important to me and it was mostly just the means to a check but I always prided myself on the amount of work I could do. Now I'm just efficient; Can't do much but can get a whole lot done with a minimum of effort and one hand. And I feel guilty about not being productive. The RSD often feels like a box that's closing in on me.

For me this disease is about learning new ways to cope and new ways to do things. There are lots of days I shouldda stood in bed but there's no choice but to follow the road as far as is possible.

Ima, you have brought something up here that I work very hard at hiding. The severe memory problems are harder to hide, but the brain function- I am frightented when even a family member says" I think you should have help with that decision" It like -WHOA wait a minute my body is sick not my mind, I am terrified ( and threatnened )someone down the road is going to try to take away control of my life from me- due to diminished brain function due to rsd or meds. SCARY. Does anyone else secretly have these fears? The opana er really helps my pain, but I must say the side effect are not good in terms of staying sharp, no matter how many crossword puzzles I try to do. anyone else? cz