pgirl-

I've had to think about this one awhile. Since I don't know you nor your husband, I can only write in the general sense and hope it helps.

There are only a limited number of explanations. One is that what he says is the truth and that the mother of all midlife crises has forced his hand. If that is so, he has done you a cruel kindness, I fear. It will be far easier for you to rebuild your life than for him.

Another possibility is that he believes what he tells you but that he will find that he was wrong and that he does indeed love you. Regardless of PD or not, many a man has made this mistake to their eternal regret. If this is true then it will be up to you to decide how long to wait and whether to forgive.

Another is that he is a damn fool and thinks to spare you the pain of the years ahead. That's my own style. Be the hero, shoulder the burden, and step into the darkness alone. The problem is that no one is spared anything. The pain is going to be there. Period. Neither of you is going to be spared. You are just going to both suffer alone. It is like an emotional suicide where one thinks that they spare the other but in fact do just the opposite.

This last scenario is the most tragic because of what is lost. Those moments of caring and remembering the other and helping to bear that burden and weeping and laughing and all the rest. You cannot throw away the pain with intent but you can throw away the blessing that comes with it by accident.

I don't know if that helps or not. God bless you both.