Originally Posted by indigogo

pgirl -

I don't think there is any real answer for your question. But I am responding with my own experience because I left my marriage of 19 years within 6 months of my diagnosis 10 years ago. My situation is different than yours - I did not stay married for years before deciding to leave; I left because my marriage was not strong and I did not want to face years of decline and disability dependent upon my husband.

Looking back, it was a good decision for me; it was tremendously difficult for my ex (we have become great friends again), and tough for my daughter who was 11 at the time, although we kept her in her home and in her neighborhood schools throughout. We've all survived - and even thrived.

For some reason, I have felt since the beginning that my PD diagnosis was my problem and no others'. I am happy to live alone and not have to deal with the stress of another person, no matter how much I might love him or her. It's a very selfish decision, but I think it makes me healthier. The changes that PD brings to a person's psyche, behavior, outlook, regardless of the physical challenges, are so difficult to deal with personally. I have a hard time living with myself - I don't want to have to explain myself to another.

I'm not sure this helps. It is so personal to me. Maybe it means that whatever is driving your husband's behavior is inexplicable to no one else, maybe just a feeling of survival. My husband was devastated and unable to understand why I would reject his help and love. It was just something I had to do, to make me able to deal with the new life that PD had thrust upon me.

I'm so sorry you are in this position; feeling helpless and out of control is so hard. I hope you can approach him with love even without understanding.