hi Jennifer,

as you can see, many people here care about you and have replied to you. And you've already got a friend in me. I also want to tell you that some of my closest of friends are right here in this here forum...but more on that later...LOL

Now, let's address a few thing, if you don't mind...you said someone at work wants you gone?? Gone how, you mean like want you fired?? What kind of work do you do???

I understand about not wanting to upset your parents and not wanting to talk to someone "in person" right now. If you think talking it out in this forum will help, please keep on talking about it.

I can feel myself wanting to type a lot of thoughts to you, but I don't want to overload you, so I might do a few posts to you. Feel free to read whatever and skip whatever or skip all if you'd like. LOL

to start off, I LOVE playing video games as well! I owned a video games store about 11-12 years ago. Back then, the hot systems were Playstation and NIN 64. Super Nintendo was still popular, Sega was on its way out(which was too bad, cause I loooved their games...), and X-box was talking about getting into the video game market.

My favorite genres were the fighting games such as "Street Fighters II" and "Mortal Combat" or RPG games such as Final Fantasy Series and almost anything RPG.

Based on your age, you would've been 12 around those times, and I suspect you were into either Sonics or Super Mario Brothers...they just started the 3-D roll around back then instead of scroll based games...LOL

and since you like sports, I'll bet you loved the sports games as well??

I like to play sports myself. I played football in high school and played volley ball in college...

I am short, but I tried very hard to make it to the teams...

I wonder if you'd be interested in a little RPG gaming history and why I love them??

I am sure you've heard or have watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It is based on a series of books based mainly on the Hobbit character named " Frodo"

(indulge me a bit if you are familiar with the story...LOL)

Frodo found himself in some dire straits situations and had to align himself up with some "friends"

and by working with his friends, they triumphed...

now, someone very smart took this idea and created a very popular game called "Dungeons and Dragons"

it is played with a group of people that want to go on adventures and move up in levels and of course, enjoy some good time with company.

Someone even smarter took that game and made it into a video game...and from there on, it sprouted popular games such as Zelda, the Super Mario Brothers, Final Fantasy Series..(bear with me, I am almost to my point. LOL)

and to play these games, you are usually by yourself, but while you are on your adventures, you usually make some friends along the way...

OK, now my point...

I grew up being teased a lot also, Jennifer, and I've often had to seek out friends...when I found out that there was a Dungeons and Dragons group meeting every Saturday(this was during my grade and high school years). I joined and made some friends there...we'd come up with adventures, develop our characters, making it very lively...I did that for almost 2 years every weekend non stop...

about 14 years ago, I gave up on people, was very suicidal...so I enclosed myself and played a bunch of RPG games...what I loved about it was that I was by myself, yet, because of the adventures and able to make friends that will help me fight the enemies along the way really kept me alive and well some days...
I've never really shared this with anyone else before for I didn't want anyone to think I was weird, finding "life" in video games...but it was true...

these days, there are more advanced games...you can play on line, meet friends that way. There are even more variations of Dungeons and Dragons now, I think the most popular is Magic...

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are able to, seek out some role playing gamers in your area, there are usually shops that cater to it...and the funny thing is, most of us that go to play those games usually feel very alone ourselves...

of course, be very careful as well...

to make friends, a lot of times we have to take the first step...

if you are able to play games on line to a group, perhaps that can help you as well? Yahoo and Pogo both have free games and on-line groups that you can play games and chat in real time ...

loneliness sucks and I feel for you...but don't let it defeat you, eh??

as you have read, there are a lot of folks that have reached out for you, they are making that step to be friends with you....reach back,talk to them...and friends will pile up for you.

and then of course, there are things that we hate about ourselves that create low self-esteem issues for us...

your disability is NOT a negative, Jennifer...I am sure you have gifts that no one else have that make you unique...

I want to share a story of my cousin with you...I'll call her "R"

she has mild Downs Syndrome and her father isn't very nice to her...she has a sister that is brilliant, graduated head of her class and is now a cancer doctor. Her dad have always put R down and have told her she'll never be anything...

But R became a supervisor at Wal-Mart, and now that her parents are old, she is the one taking care of them...

she finally met someone that she fell in love with, but her father told her she was NOT allowed to get married...we are from the old country and she obeyed her father...

I got into a huge fight with him when he came to my dad's funeral...and I let him have it...

you know what R said to me? And she said it with a smile...

she said, " I am here for a reason,and right now, it is to take care of mom and dad. I always feel alone,but I am never alone. As long as I have your support, I will never be alone..."

This came from my cousin that everyone considers "diabled"

to me, she is the smartest one of all...if I only had her gift...

I actually learned a lot from her...and stopped griping and whining about my own stupid disabilities...actually, I am thankful for it...if it weren't for that, I'd never meet these wonderful TRUE friends that I've made in this here forum...nor would I have met my wonderful and beautiful wife..

anyways, I am sure you probably have stopped reading long ago...LOL

take care of yourself and love yourself first...when you love yourself, that is when you'll realize other's love...

((((HUGS))))

stick around, kiddo, I predict that if you do, you'll make at least one friend here, wait, you already have, me!