Sorry I haven't been on for a few days...I don't really know what to write, or how to convert my thoughts into something understandable to others.

Shareing my problems with other people has never been very beneficial for me. I find it usualy just makes their lives harder. As much as I apreciate it when someone tries to cheer me up, it also makes me feel bad because I don't really believe what their saying. I'm incapable of optimism, I can't see the bright side of things, and eventualy everyone just gives up hope on me and moves on to something less depressing (and I don't blame them). And then I'm alone and abandoned all over again.

In my experiance, the word "friend" means someone who will toleate my presence only as long as it's beneficial and conviniant for them. Once had "friends" who practically lived in my appartment for two years, then as soon as they found another place to hang out they were gone and I haven't heard from them since. And the only reason I have roommates now is because they needed a third person to split the rent with. They've alredy made plans to move away as soon as possible.

I just don't fit in with anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I have no money, no skills, no talents, no interests. Nothing. I know it sounds like an exageration but it really isn't. Everything I do during the day is simply a means to kill time before I can go to sleep. If I could have it my way, I would never even get up in the morning. I would just lie there in bed and think my horrible, depressing thoughts until I starved to death.

No wonder I've been having death fantasies since childhood...

Anyway, thanks for listening. And thank you all for your posts, my online friends already outnumber my real world friends