thelonely1,
Thank you so much for being so honest. I was sitting here crying my eyes out because I could identify to what your going through and felt the pain that is typically medicated away 24/7.
Quote:
|
I can't see the bright side of things, and eventualy everyone just gives up hope on me and moves on to something less depressing (and I don't blame them). And then I'm alone and abandoned all over again.
|
Lately my freinds are being slightly edgy when they talk to me and lately its been so long since I've seen any of them and sometime I think THEY are better off that way.
Quote:
|
I just don't fit in with anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I have no money, no skills, no talents, no interests. Nothing. I know it sounds like an exageration but it really isn't. Everything I do during the day is simply a means to kill time before I can go to sleep.
|
I have a career that I have always been passionate about, but lately its very hard to focus or be motivated at all. For awhile I was down to only being motivated by the money as a way to get out of bed everyday. I have no other interests left other than struggling to stay employed, doing drugs all day and night, and trying to hold it all together and not go psychotic. I sleep a few hours (bad insomnia) and then I'm back at working or doing more drugs. ( I became addicted to psych meds I was prescribed years ago and the addiction is out of control.)
Do you have any kind of substance abuse issue as well? My brain is so dopamine deprived its sick what extremes I find myself going to just to feel something anymore. And the goddamn SSRI's dont work. I was a lab rat for awhile too.
Quote:
|
No wonder I've been having death fantasies since childhood...
|
I recently admitted to my councelor that I've had a death wish for years.
Anyway, reading that I was not alone helped me and I honestly hope that in even some small way you feel less alone as well. I would end this by saying be well, but at this level we both know its just survival.