Dear Waves,

Well this really stinks that the pdoc is not going to be the one to get you through this particular thing.

On a few occasions in my life, one or the other of my parents has come through for me. Usually, they disappoint. But sometimes one will hear for that moment and for that crisis. And sometimes that person does not hear the whole thing but does get enough to help me.

Any chance that one parent could hear you? And help you in a way that you need for this?

This sounds lonely.

An old pdoc? Tdoc?

Could it be of temporary help right now to try something -- different? Anything different (and safe)?
. . . like spending some time in a different part of town doing something different to kind of get you out of yourself for the time being? . . . and so on . . . something different.

Can you ask for more leeway / consideration / forbearance from them right now while this is happening?

(And yes, I see from these posts that you are not talking about a one time crisis necessarily but a lot of frustration due to long term processes.)
Still, you could benefit from their help through the crisis. Push them a little harder. They might come through for you.

(I'm not going to type any more.
I'm start to not make sense.)

Mostly I am posting here to tell you that I hope that you are going to be all right soon.

M.