Dear Mari,

I hope you can make it to the events because I know that, if you did make it, you would feel good about it. It sounds(?) to me like you don't want to go to the actual events because of how you are right now, but that you would like to show support for your former teacher.

If you can't make it, please feel ok about it. People help each other when they can. And support each other when they can. Not when they cannot.

You can still show some support without going to the event, also. You can contact her and tell her you had a serious health problem. If you feel ok about telling her, I would go right ahead full blast and say you had a stroke and the recovery takes a fair bit of time so you are not sure if you will be able to make a presence, but that you feel honored by her invitation, and that if you are well at the time you will be happy to go. something like that. And use whichever means is more comfortable - email or phone.

Even without explaining all about the stroke, the nutshell would be just a minimal message saying you feel honored, but that you are having serious health issues such that you will be unable (or unlikely to be able) to participate. That will show support.

Then, if you cannot go, you cannot go, period.

And when i say "cannot go" i include:
-- feeling overwhelmed by the idea
-- feeling extremely anxious (socially or otherwise)
-- having other duties at work coincide such that too much is on plate
-- having medical appointments coincide such that too much is on plate
-- suffering from sleep deficit at the time
-- feeling a general, even inexplicable, but strong aversion to going

you see what i mean? because really that all falls under the "health" umbrella. You are in a fragile state because of the stroke. Of course you are scared. I have thought more about strokes since you had one than you can imagine. I am certain that if it happened to me, i too would feel afraid. Because what happened was so unforeseeable, uncontrollable. That makes one feel powerless. Ironically powerlessness is a powerful feeling.

You will regain your footing. And perhaps your T could help you with overcoming the sense of fear. But it is not going to happen by someone else's event calendar. So no matter how things end up, do not coerce yourself mentally or physically into going. When the moment comes, you will know what is ok for you, and if it is best not to go, then that is ok.



sorry for repeating some of what many others already said, but it was worth repeating.

~ waves ~

p.s. let us know what you decide for tonight.