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Originally Posted by thelonely1
Hi, I've never posted here before and I don't know if this is where I should post , but it seems the most applicable. I've been seriously depressed for about three years, I desperatly want to die and I can't force myself to exist very much longer. how can i possibly cope with the pain when literaly everything in the world makes me hurt even worse. I just cant stand all the pain and the suffering and the greed and the corruption. It taints everyone no matter how good and pure they once were. I am completly alone i have no skills, talents, or even interests. I can just barely force myself to accomplish even the simplest of tasks like changing clothes or eating. And on top of it all, i just found out that my one and only friend is not at all the person I thought she was, and it turns out i have no idea who she even is. So here I am, it's two in the morning, I can't stop planning my own death, and I am continuously fighting very powerful urges to jump off buildings or to cut my wrists. Also i've prayed to God several times to kill me, and I really hope He'll forgive me for commiting suicide because i can't see myself alive a week from now. I honestly don't believe that there is anyting anyone can say or do to make me feel any better, I just want someone in this terrible world to know how I felt.
Thank you for listining to my pathetic self pity.
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Dear Lonely,
You are far from pathetic. I, too, lack the energy and motivation to do the simplest of things, and it becomes worse. The world CAN be bad, but you cannot deny that there is good as well. We have no idea what death is like, but I hold the belief that there is no way to kill the Spirit, only the body; and that the body, i.e. this life is necessary for learning in order to prepare for whatever the future life may hold. Can you leave the house at all? If so, congratulations - you are able to do something! Concentrate on what you have and try to reach out to others. Do you have physical pain, or do you refer to emotional pain that is with you all the time. I'm not saying that one is worse than the other, but if you don't have both, or if the physical pain is not severe or constant, you HAVE something that some NT members do not have. If you have recently had a friend, regardless of said friend's character, you are capable of forming relationships, and that is a HAVE. If you look hard enough, many, if not most, people are just little, tiny persons who live in a world of pain of their own. Granted, some people have learned to be positive enough that they SEEM to have avoided this, but most have not, they are just good at hiding it, and they preoccupy themselves with other things, both good and bad, so that they don't feel it as much. I know how much you want to escape from your current situation, and I, too, have prayed to die. But we cannot say that we want to die, when we have no idea what that is like. I am not saying that I can live the following statement, but I know that it is true: positive actions bring more positive thoughts, and vice versa. Stay with us!!!!!! You may feel unable to DO anything, but you have things to learn. So do I!! PM me anytime. Caring About You ~ billie