Hey everyone, thanks for all the encouraging posts. I really need that now.

Dad's been admitted today again, and Doc spent a long time with us discussing options. He's considered to be in the final stages of his stage 4 cancer now, with holes appearing in his oesophaegus, causing food to leak through, and going into other parts of the body. causing infections. He won't be able to eat food for the time being due to the infections. He still has a high fever.. There's also fluids in his stomach which is very bloated (as shown from the CT Scans), due to some blockage between the stomach and intestines. So those liquids are all undigested and his stomach is filling up. Tmr they'll consult the surgeon to see if a food pipe can be inserted through the oesophaegus, pass the tumour, into the stomach to drain out the dirty fluids, and I'm really praying they get to do that. Cos thats the best option given so far. Else dad may never be able to eat again, not even through pipes. The only solution would be to put fluids through his veins, which doc said is expensive to do at home. Hospices and last wishes were also brought up, and it was an extremely draining session as I guess we didnt quite expect it to happen this way.

I'll have to be at the hospital at 9am tmr (my time) to meet his doctors, and I'm really praying for the strength to pulll through all these. I'm also scheduled for my EMG on Thursday at 930am, for my 2nd opinion done locally. It'll sort of let me know at what stage my nerves are at I guess. Neuro said its to see the progression. Everything's coming on so fast, I think I'm quite tired. Really need to pull through this week, praying hard that they'll b able to put the food pipe in for Dad. Else it will be just watching him waste away... Chemo's also not an option now as he is extremely prone to infections due to the holes in his oesophaegus.

I duno where to find the strength to get through all these, though I know I will. I'm just praying that I'll find enough for the whole family. Its tough making all these choices, even tougher when I know my mum's not prepared to let go of my Dad yet. I hate to think what effect my diagnosis will have on my family, I don't think I want them in my neuro's room on thursday.