I hope I can sound off here too. I am not married but the fiancé and I have lived together for 10+ years and he is the one who is retired on disability.

At the start we were both working 4 jobs (by choice!) and we rarely clashed. The he got sick and was home all the time.
Then he started messing things up and not cleaning up afterward, which led to the DSD thinking she could do the same. They expected me to clean it or for it to clean itself, I guess. I tried to be nice, truly I did...until I exploded. It didn't work. He didn't clean, she didn't clean, so I stopped cleaning. I kept one room clean and lovely, and that was my sanctuary and no one was allowed in it but me. I even took my meals in there for a few weeks! They finally figured it out and started picking up after themselves. It wasn't perfect but at least they made an attempt regularly.

After the DSD went to college, I let him know that I would not live like that anymore. He started picking up the slack. Now he cooks almost all the meals, he cleans the bathroom, he vacuums, loads and unloads the dishwasher, he takes care of the firewood and feeding the wood stove, and does most of the yard work. I do all the laundry, shopping, and the jobs he doesn't realize need doing, but all I have to do is ask and he helps.

I figure he's home all the time and I still work (although it's only one job now, it's odd hours and lengthy shifts with OT) so he can do the majority of the housework! I don't criticize his work and he doesn't criticize mine. I no longer go behind him and do it "my way". It's not worth the time, effort and fighting. We're actually almost to the bottom of the pile that clogged the house for years.

You learn a "new way" of doing things and let go of the "old way" and hopefully it all works out. When there's strife, you try to discuss it without being accusatory or overbearing, and when it doesn't work, you ask yourself: "in the big picture is this REALLY worth fighting about?" and for me, usually the answer now is no, and I hire someone to do it, and that drives him nuts so he does it from then on!

PS: Television in two different rooms helps too!